Missives from the Edge

My life arranged around my old self (OS):

(OS) Live alone, work alone, exercise alone, shop alone, do everything alone if possible. Make money with as little interaction with people as I can manage.

(OS) Voice in my says (echo of mother) says “Be CAREFUL”. about women, in life, be cautious, don’t take risks, don’t have fun.

(OS) Take care of business before your self. Money is all that matters, is all women want (and getting that beautiful sexy woman is the goal, will make you happy) will fulfill every need, so focus on it totally, if possible, unless you have to do other stuff. But “I don’t like making money - this arrangement is just something society id forcing on me”, so life is a hateful grind. “Society invented this whole system - the money system, our twisted values, our capitalistic, consumeristic values”. Bitter, cynical tired, tense, angry… just do it to get along, get by, survive, stay out of trouble. Think all the time. You must think hard 100% of the time to survive in the mean jungle.

The New Self is quite different…. (NS)

Only the people that care about me see the wonderful me.

He got forced out. But not really. Just sort of buried.

Old Self:
Things, stuff, material, goods, devices, tools, arrangements, management, maintainance
Taking, getting, possessing, controlling, income
The game, tricks, outsmarting all those dumb people out there. Be clever. Winning. Fuck them.
A harsh world Out There (except in nature where you can get away from people and cities, where it’s beautiful, but that’s harsh in terms of survival, and just difficult if you have lots of stuff with you, like camping)
Thinking
Nail things down to a static state and hold it
The Future - where you are trying to get, want to be
The Past - what hangs heavily over you
Think of yourself always (just the way it’s gotta be, the way our selfish society makes it)
Mind
Being indoors, at the computer
Being safe
When I am out (or in) I know who I am (but I may not like it, but I know. My story), I am thinking of myself.
Dense, contracted
Add to knowledge, solidity
Separate, solid parts
Mechanical mechanism
Matter
Fear

New Self:
People. A World of People, Wonderful, incredible ,beautiful people, amazing people.

Experience, action, connection, flow, openness

Vision

Body

Inter-acting

Feeling (inside)

Being Outside, in the open

Seeing possibilities everywhere; a world of opportunity

When I’m out there, I am not thinking of myself - I am Seeing

Open, expansive

Changing constantly

Wondering, wonder, puzzlement, awe, curiosity

Things become more transparent

The world is made if light and space (on the outside)? Love and peace and joy on the inside?

This way of seeing the world is more a feeling and uses sensing

Connecting, from the inside out

Energy

Love (not romantic but more general - for humanity feeling, Life the universe and everything)

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer.

“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” said the customer.

“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher. “You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”

At these words Banzan became enlightened.

All my systems are “tuning up”: mind/body, social, love & sexuality, understanding of food, health, the earth and nature and it’s flows, the movement of energy, water, sun, sky, soil, plants, animals, birds, how it all works, and the ecosystems we are a part of, the planet, this unbelievably beautiful Earth and it’s non-separation from everything else (and my non-separation), the atmosphere, on out into space, the star we orbit, our Sun (divine)…at at a yet higher level cosmic quantum mind, timelessness of reality – insight after insight – all my knowledge and skills falling into place. I’m not only a new man, but a new kind of man. This is really remarkable.

All the junk that was not in tune, was from hiding-ignorance/love-God playing a game with itself in the universal Mind, is being cleaned out. This process is beginning very quickly, but I have foresight about where it’s going ( the completion of the human race, to join a cosmic community of beings in multiple dimensions/alternate realities, if I’m not mistaken). Sounds pretty far out, but realty is so much more unbelievably vast and beautiful, and full, bursting forth infinitely full, of infinite love, knowledge, and peace, that we can’t even imagine it.

It’s perfectly understandable that people (wonderful humans: every one a shining unique gem) have fear and hide from reality. But there really is nothing to fear. Quire the opposite. “God”, if you want to use that word (I like the native American way of putting form to understanding better: spirit (in Nature) and Big Spirit) wants to give you everything, or actually is already, if you can only know it. You already have it.

However, right now I feel very “dry” overall. I’m sure that will work itself out. It’s not bad, it just is. (“It is what is is” as the fellows in a pub in Wales said). Maybe I’m just a “dry” kind of human, I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because I spent so many decades being an intellectual (studying & researching philosophy, psychology, spirituality), and then as a technical professional.

I have a feeling the yoga, and the women I meet, will help with this unwinding and flowing process (releasing what’s inside). Diet makes a difference too. Massage will help. None of this has to be forced or analyzed or worried about or “decided” on in the usual sense (people try to use their thinking minds to make themselves physically healthy – they think they know what’s wrong and go buy some products or start practices and they are off-base - it has limited usefulness and can even be harmful) : the mind-body knows what it needs, and you just intuit, in a process of action/movement, quiet attention, and everything you need is right there, like a wonderful artistic process.

We are parent to each other - helping grow. Father to a daughter, mother to a son.
loving unconditionally.

It’s remarkable that that can happen. Bringing each other up.

Friends happen.
They watch each other grow. In step or out of step.

This is different; There is a harmony and syncopation, a layering and a leveling, because we know each other so well.
There is no adjunct therapy as there is with other individuals.

Quantum reality - now that’s far out - that’ where the future lies, for the human race.
The final completion, joining community of beings.

Saw a woman with light coming from her eyes, a black sleek woman, going to her car from the Nude Models joint by the storage units. Like the moon. Kept seeing the moon today.

Bio: Carbon-based life form, bipedal , with consciousness, self-awareness, and a mechanical bent (and balls).
Risk-taker but not reckless. Creative but not stupid. Ingenious but not deliriously so. Tendency towards Zennishness.
Runs with a wild pack of dogs. Fun, but serious about letting go …

Let’s open up the throttle and see where life takes us.

– King of Comedy, Adventure and Learning.

(Notes on domestication: will not accept collars, leashes. Tends to pace like a tiger and bust out if caged for too long. Will shortly be in very high demand by members of the opposite sex, for one thing. Itching to travel, enjoy life more and more. Basically, I have my own values and goals so don’t fuck with em, ladies. However you are welcome to come along for the ride, if you can make the grade)

The most profound lesson to learn from being with animals (and in nature, acting as an organically intelligent and sensorially alert beings), is how to be a better human. If we humans had stayed in touch with our animals natures, without losing sight of the ability of self-consciousness and our brain skills, as naturally social beings, we would live sane lives. But (our strange) religions have turned things upside down, and by dictating what “good” and “bad” are has created perverted, neurotic, destructive civilizations. We’ve made a mess of things by trying to change things instead of Being and Living. But we can still get back on course. There is always the ever-present wonderful biological present to be present in.

We are socialized away from ourselves, our “true” selves. This is not an intentional process, but one that happens automatically, by the mechanistic movement of thinking. We clone a misguided notion of what it means to be men. And that sick process takes on a momentum of it’s own.

We may have a live and let live for others, but even then, we ruin our own bodies with our minds. We think we know. We don’t know. We do a lot of doing based on fear and ignorance. Our minds are too small compared to the tiniest cell, which has an abundance of intelligence, far more powerful than any of us will ever fully grasp. We can only catch glimpses, in wonderment and awe.

We try and run our bodies and our lives with our minds, but it can’t be done. All you can do is provide opportunities for individuals to reach more of their innate potential. It cannot be forced.

Open, let the chips fall as they may. Learn. See more. Relax.

How do you lead people here? I wonder if it’s possible - in my opinion, it just happens, “when it’s ready”, who knows. Who knows!
Reflecting on the training by Robert Kausen, et al. No one can take credit for this, anymore than they can for the moon and sky and the plants and the soil and rocks. So here they are, really acting as reporters, and here some people looking for the moon, and only seeing the proverbial finger of the the Zen Master pointing. It’s funny, really.
You go sit in a room in order to pay for the air you breathe, that is actually fresher outside!
So what are you, “channels”? I have my doubts… tuning forks? Do you (the audience member) “hear” something (Syd Banks coming back to me again…)?
But we each have skills, in our brains, learned in the past and present, and those skills are activated within the frame of this perspective. Whatever it is. Not a thing. This flux, this flow, whatever you want to try and name it. “Consciousness” – just words. Syd said don’t listen to the words, which sounds absurd on the face of it, but makes sense, and only makes sense, from this vantage point. Otherwise it’s self-contradictory gibberish. Don’t follow nonsense - that way leads superstition (beliefs without foundation) - one of the hobgoblins of the human race, tearing it apart.

There’s nothing spiritual about this, unless you are using the word in a way that 99.9% of the human race are using the word. it’s simply nature doing it’s thing. But oh boy, what nature, what a cosmos! None of the human ideas apply (religious that is).

I live in a neighborhood (Golden Hill / South Park border) with a significant Hispanic population. It’s fun to hear the language, see the kids and families, and eat the food. I found this on the lawn in the park behind my house. I like the artwork, and the fascinating exaggerated anatomy of the sexy woman. I’d like to get it translated:

A friend asked me how the elfin forest brigade was on Sunday, so here it is for all to read and see:

Well, it was interesting because only four people showed up, and there were supposed to be something like 18. So time passed and the leader didn’t show up. Someone managed to go up and get cell reception. Turns out the hike had been cancelled because of the weather (which didn’t look threatening to me, only overcast, and the previous day had been sunny after morning clouds) and an email had been sent out. I never got the email because, living in San Diego rather than near Escondido, I got up at 5am and left at 7 or so. And I just didn’t check my email (ironic, being an email and internet addict). 

Lake Hodges Reservoir Panorama 1

Another view of the beautiful body of water we walked around

A view from where we ended up, looking towards the South, and some nice contrasty clouds beyond the dam view.

Another panorama of the “lake”.

Our intrepid group of explorers.

Rock and water. Poetic.

The stream near the entrance / exit to the trail.

 

All photos were taken with the tiny Sony L1 pocket camera. 

 

 

If you’ve used a film SLR (Single Lens Reflex Camera), you know that the main difference over the old “range finder” film cameras is that you can see through the lens.  This SLR trick is achieved via a set of mirrors or a prism that focuses onto a focusing screen, and a mirror that flips out of the way of the film when it’s time to snap the photo. This mechanism allows you to see what the camera “sees” in a fairly direct way, through the lens. It allows for very precise focusing, and on some cameras, previewing what the depth of field will be. A DSLR (Digital Single Lens Reflex Camera) builds on this tradition, and replaces the film with a digital sensor at the film plane, and electronic processing of the image information.

An electronic viewfinder is one advantage of a “point-and-shoot” or of a “prosumer” digital camera. You get a readout of what the CCD (the electronic sensor that replaces film) is “seeing”, and you can see in lower light too, and get things like histograms and other on-screen information. (A “live view” like this is pretty essential for doing infrared digital photography).  “However, SLR is still popular in high-end and professional cameras, because the pixel resolution, contrast ratio, and color gamut of an LCD preview screen cannot compete with the clarity and shadow detail of a direct-viewed optical SLR viewfinder” (Wikipedia).

Notice how on B & H (http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/category/989/Digital_Photography.html) they have these three categories:
# Point & Shoot Digital Cameras
# Advanced Point & Shoot Digital Cameras
# SLR Digital Cameras

The “Advanced Point & Shoot Digital Cameras” categories is what some others call “prosumer” cameras, which is a combination of the words “professional” with “consumer”. They have larger lenses, more features, some manual settings. They have do not have interchangeable lenses like a DSLR (which can be an advantage in terms of no getting dust on the sensor, and weight).

If your concern with with making beautiful photos, the most important thing though is not the equipment. I’ve had photos in shows that I made with a “point and shoot”. There is too much focus on equipment. Too many people I’ve noticed, seem to believe they should start with a “good” camera (they even list their camera model in their postings to the meetup.com photography group, which is silly). Just the opposite is true in fact. The best way to become a good photographer is to find the simplest, cheapest camera that you can enjoy, and go out and have fun with it. I started my digital adventures with a tiny “point-and-shoot” Canon Elph in 2001. Practice making thousands of photos. That’s how you get good. And study really good photographers that inspire you. Then when you realize the limitations of that camera, it’s time to move up a step. When you outgrow that camera, move up another step. If you jump into a camera that’s too good, that is too sophisticated, you will never know how to take advantage of it’s power, nor appreciate what it can do. A simple camera forces you to get creative. The focus should not be on the camera.

The three main things that go into making a great photo are:
1. Perceptual:  A good eye (which you can develop by drawing and learning “how to see”, and taking lots of photos, and looking at art and photographs).
2. Emotional-Spiritual: Vision/imagination/creativity/ideas/feeling/risk-taking.
3. Cognitive: Technical skills and knowledge + problem solving.

With these abilities, you can take good photos with any camera. However there is a catch: you can’t take good photos under all circumstances. For instance, if you want to take a photo under moonlight, you probably can’t do it with a point-and-shoot, because its lens is not fast enough (can’t gather enough light), and the exposure times are too short. And even if it had long exposure times, there would be a lot of noise in the image.

This actually applies to all art-making. If you have the above psychological prerequisites (and everyone has them or the ability to grow them), you’ll be able to figure out and find what tools you need.

Well, enough for now.