Category — Spirituality & Philosophy

My life arranged around my old self (OS):

(OS) Live alone, work alone, exercise alone, shop alone, do everything alone if possible. Make money with as little interaction with people as I can manage.

(OS) Voice in my says (echo of mother) says “Be CAREFUL”. about women, in life, be cautious, don’t take risks, don’t have fun.

(OS) Take care of business before your self. Money is all that matters, is all women want (and getting that beautiful sexy woman is the goal, will make you happy) will fulfill every need, so focus on it totally, if possible, unless you have to do other stuff. But “I don’t like making money - this arrangement is just something society id forcing on me”, so life is a hateful grind. “Society invented this whole system - the money system, our twisted values, our capitalistic, consumeristic values”. Bitter, cynical tired, tense, angry… just do it to get along, get by, survive, stay out of trouble. Think all the time. You must think hard 100% of the time to survive in the mean jungle.

The New Self is quite different…. (NS)

Only the people that care about me see the wonderful me.

He got forced out. But not really. Just sort of buried.

Old Self:
Things, stuff, material, goods, devices, tools, arrangements, management, maintainance
Taking, getting, possessing, controlling, income
The game, tricks, outsmarting all those dumb people out there. Be clever. Winning. Fuck them.
A harsh world Out There (except in nature where you can get away from people and cities, where it’s beautiful, but that’s harsh in terms of survival, and just difficult if you have lots of stuff with you, like camping)
Thinking
Nail things down to a static state and hold it
The Future - where you are trying to get, want to be
The Past - what hangs heavily over you
Think of yourself always (just the way it’s gotta be, the way our selfish society makes it)
Mind
Being indoors, at the computer
Being safe
When I am out (or in) I know who I am (but I may not like it, but I know. My story), I am thinking of myself.
Dense, contracted
Add to knowledge, solidity
Separate, solid parts
Mechanical mechanism
Matter
Fear

New Self:
People. A World of People, Wonderful, incredible ,beautiful people, amazing people.

Experience, action, connection, flow, openness

Vision

Body

Inter-acting

Feeling (inside)

Being Outside, in the open

Seeing possibilities everywhere; a world of opportunity

When I’m out there, I am not thinking of myself - I am Seeing

Open, expansive

Changing constantly

Wondering, wonder, puzzlement, awe, curiosity

Things become more transparent

The world is made if light and space (on the outside)? Love and peace and joy on the inside?

This way of seeing the world is more a feeling and uses sensing

Connecting, from the inside out

Energy

Love (not romantic but more general - for humanity feeling, Life the universe and everything)

We are parent to each other - helping grow. Father to a daughter, mother to a son.
loving unconditionally.

It’s remarkable that that can happen. Bringing each other up.

Friends happen.
They watch each other grow. In step or out of step.

This is different; There is a harmony and syncopation, a layering and a leveling, because we know each other so well.
There is no adjunct therapy as there is with other individuals.

Quantum reality - now that’s far out - that’ where the future lies, for the human race.
The final completion, joining community of beings.

Saw a woman with light coming from her eyes, a black sleek woman, going to her car from the Nude Models joint by the storage units. Like the moon. Kept seeing the moon today.